Its July – again... my soul will never rest?
The sea and the beach exactly as I remembered, the sailboat, my friend, my companion seems to be in the same position I was several years ago, washed-out on the beach, broken – covered in grass and seaweed – dead.
Oh, my old friend live is cruel – unforgettable cruel.
Do you remember? How silly and in love I used to sit on the beach reading my poems.
You were there – silent and observing every inch of my being.
You saw me cry, having fun, getting my hart broken...but
most of all you saw me that night, you were the only one there.
Just me, you and the big sea.
You did not question me, not one bit... I think it’s time to tell the world why I did what I did.
Several months before my death I lost the one man I ever really loved, I did not want to live – nobody loved me no one cared.
Suicide to you it’s a word continued with madness.
There have been many attempts- but they were unsuccessful, gutting wrists, jumping in front of a car, questions I asked friends... did they realize – no!
I was the perfect actress – walking with a smile and joking, but deep down... planning, writing about my death...hoping someone would help or stop me...
That night more than forty years ago, I can still recall the pain, sorrow I felt.
But sailboat, that night I lost my mind I didn’t want to live.
People say it’s depression that made me do it, but it wasn’t.
I only wanted to be loved, loved by my father – but he didn’t care
‘’ you should have thrown her back into the sea’’
And my poems it was neglected, after all these years I’m seen as an icon, a mentor and a legend?
Movies about my life are made – like they knew me...
Do you remember my death cry’s as I preceded the sea, one step, a step nearer to my death...
I’ve put rocks into my jacket and lost track of reality... track of everything that mattered.
And walk into the pool of death.
The wind was exactly as tonight, cold but violent.
The water caught my breath- left me speechless.
That’s all I remember.
Death a little word with enormous consequences.
Nothing is my death
(426 Words)
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