With love’s light wings did I o’er perch these walls, for stony limits cannot hold love out, and what love can do that dares love attempt.
-William Shakespeare-
…………………….
Nicky grinned as she looked at Sarah in front of the class struggling through a book report that she had to dictate in a rush before school.
Sarah is probably the most beautiful and talented girl in school, but people seemed to have forgotten about it when one of her “ex-best friends” told a girl on the cheerleading squad Sarah’s biggest secret.
Sarah is gay.
The big G, as people around here whisper; perhaps afraid that they might catch it, like a cold, if they said it aloud.
Before, when Sarah was still the most popular girl in school, Sarah, and I were not exactly friends. Mostly, because in High School I am the nerd, the class president and math league champion. Sarah was never mean to me, she just had her friends, and I had my books.
I always admired Sarah, who wouldn’t? It was a well-known fact that Sarah could walk into a room and light it up with a few smiles; even the dreariest party she could liven only with her presence.
After the rumor of her big secret got out (she never denied it), nobody wanted anything to do with her anymore or what she represented. I thought it was somewhat silly, because sexual orientation does not exactly define a person or their friends, but in High School, it seem the opposite is true. It is all about who you are, who your parents are, who your parents friends are, who you shagged, how pissed you where doing it, where you did it and how many times you did it. It is sad, I know, but it is HIGH SCHOOL!
********
Nicky, who spent most, if not, all of her lunches in the library, met Sarah, when she started coming there to look at the art books. Bored, because there was nothing else to do, nobody left to talk to, and she didn’t feel up to taking the “smart comments” from her “ex-best friends”.
********
Sarah and I started talking after the fourth time she came to the library. I was extremely surprised to find that there was much more to Sarah than meets the eye; she was extremely smart, despite the fact that that she was not book smart. Sarah, I found, didn’t like reading or anything to do with school for that matter.
The only time Sarah enjoys reading a book is when she is drawing. She has drawn about a million pictures of me, which I have put up in my room.
Sarah and I started spending time together both at school and after school, swimming, walking around town, and chatting to some of the few friends Sarah still had. We went horse-riding a lot on my granddad’s farm. When people started seeing Sarah and me together, I was instantly famous. People who never noticed me started to stare and whisper behind my back. Some even went as far to point, at me. ME!
Horses are one of the many things Sarah and I have in common. It is there where we really connect, in the open air, the wind brushing though our hair, talking, and laughing. It was on horseback that she first confided in me. She was gay. I was not exactly surprised; I rather guessed it when I saw how upset Sarah got at a family restaurant when a gay couple was thrown out for giving each other a casual kiss.
Sarah asked if it bothered me and if I still wanted to be her friend. When I said I knew it all along she leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I felt warm and fuzzy after the kiss and strangely as if I found home.
We hosted three parties a month at Sarah’s house. True to Sarah’s nature, she invited everybody, even the gossipmongers.
Sarah’s parents are never at home; they’re always on business trips or something more important. They don’t mind the occasional party as long as the cops don’t call them at 3:00am.
When one of Sarah’s “ex-best friends” called her parents to tell them that their daughter was gay, they just said calmly “if Sarah is gay, so be it!” They called Sarah that evening and said that they were proud of her for standing up and telling the world who she is.
Mine, on the other hand are stay-at-home parents. My father owns a gardening business and my mother is a homemaker. Thus, I am never alone and I cannot move without them knowing, so I spend most of my time chilling at Sarah’s. I can’t imagine the havoc I would create if I told my parents I am going out with a boy.
If I have to tell them I am gay; they would throw me out of the house!
Sarah never cries. She says crying is a wasted laugh and a person never lets a laugh go to waste. For Sarah being gay made her stronger, for example, these days at school Sarah only smiles and walks on if the people mock her or point openly. In the beginning, she would make a run for it!
Her new philosophy in life is: “only a fool cannot accept difference and would make a mockery of a different sort of love!” She had read this little piece of ingeniousness in a book I gave her, and made it her own.
Sarah has another talent and that is that she can make anything look better. I myself am quite plain, although Sarah says I am a distinct beauty. What is so distinctive about mousy blonde hair and grey eyes, I ask you? Sarah, on the on the other hand, has huge blue eyes and black hair. Still Sarah said I am the most beautiful girl she have ever seen. EVER! Moreover, she insists on painting me at least four times a month.
The only time I had ever seen Sarah cry, is when one of her gay friends went to a straight club and made the ‘mistake’ of flirting with a biker. The guy gave him just one look and then drew out his knife and stabbed him several times in the chest, without even asking him to stop flirting. The reason for the murder the biker gave to the court after he pleaded guilty was, “He is different! He is gay, it is unnatural!”
He got ten years in jail, with the message that the court does not support gays, but murder is murder, and ten years is fair for a cold-blooded murderer. The journalists had a field day. They made Sarah’s friend sound like some sort of cheap and asked commentary from the church that condemned his soul and refused to bury his body.
I only realized then that being gay was not conventional. It’s a subject that is frowned upon by churches, that hurt people and that should not be taken up lightly.
The incident rattled something inside me, so much that a week later, I started dating Sam, your average jock, all muscles and no brains! I just wanted to convince myself of something, I really didn’t know what! All I knew is that I wanted something physical. Something normal to grab onto, something that is not Sarah.
That Saturday I told my parents I was staying at Sarah’s. I didn’t go to Sarah’s; I went to a party with Sam. It was probably the worst date ever. After he kissed me casually, I might add on the lips, I ran out of the room. It just wasn’t what I imagined it to be. I kept thinking of Sarah’s kiss on my cheek, which still sent shivers down my spine.
That evening I realized I was in love with my best friend.
I soon realized what it felt like to be gay, Cold and lonely.
I didn’t want to tell Sarah; scared I might have to face something I was not up to facing yet…a different sort of love.
When I looked in the mirror, I saw only a person, not me, struggling to belong.
It was driving me crazy until I overheard one of Sarah’s friends telling her he first realized he was gay when he accidentally went into a gay club and found the acceptance he never found anywhere else. I went to a gay club alone and tried to mingle with the others but I could not. Mostly because I did not know anybody and everybody seemed to have their own little click. Secondly, it was right next door to the high school kids’ favorite hangout.
I felt scared, I did not want to be caught going in or out of such a place so I hurried out. I saw a boy and girl kissing, and it looked so honest. Just like my love for Sarah. When I turned around, I saw a gay couple pointing, mocking the straight couple. It was then that I realized that people would always mock and point at the things they do not understand, you just have to be strong and look the other way.
The next day at school, I cornered Sarah in the bathroom stall and kissed her long and hard, confessing, that I am in love with her. When the kiss ended, we were both struggling to catch our breath.
I told her I liked her a lot and asked if she would be my girlfriend. She said: yes, go Figure!
*********
“I could swear you are in love with me by the way you looked at me just now.” Nicky was so engaged in her own thoughts that she didn’t even notice that the kids were already moving out of the class and that Sarah was standing in front of her “Maybe I am in love! Are you ready to go and meet your doom?” Sarah grinned, “You don’t have to do this. We could keep it a secret. You know that, don’t you?”
Nicky stood up and took Sarah’s hand after kissing her rosy lips. “I know, but I prefer to be honest.”
Nicky sat next to Sarah on the coach.
Nicky’s parents were watching them suspiciously, “Well you said the two of you had something you wanted to tell us and if it has anything to with the camp, the answer is yes, if you promise to be good.”
Nicky smiled faintly, her heart thumping in her chest.
“Dad, Mum it’s not about camp, I am gay and I am in love with Sarah.”
At that moment, Sarah looked at her and she looked at Sarah and smiled.
Just smiled.
*********
It is now a year after all this happened; Sarah is still not doing her homework, High School is still the same (needless to say I am not class president anymore). My parents are slowly getting used to the idea of me being gay. The first few months I had been to ten psychiatrists – my parents believing that they could cure me being gay, but gave up after the tenth one. They finally realized I was not going to change. Sarah and I still make-out in the girls’ bathroom stalls every chance we get.
In case you are wondering, my parents did throw me out of the house for a day or so…
(2009 Words)
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