Attentively I observed and finally saw
Some deep cracks and an incredulous flaw,
Amongst things that did not make any sense
But afflicted my mind, made me feel dense.
Eventually I was able to recognize and diagnose
That this door I would not be able to close;
Love was causing so much contamination,
It could never survive the poisonous saturation.
It was never seen as such, I suppose,
I needed to be on guard, ever on my toes
For affection, no matter how I tried
Was never accepted, but shamelessly denied.
It was not ever seen as the best I could do
I was watched with eagle eyes, for how, to who?
For years it seemed I had battled to arise
From the mud, shed off every disguise.
Being kicked around by those who would enjoy
The satisfaction of using me as decoy;
Hiding behind their own tainted love,
Thinking I alone had the need to prove
My love was sincerely from the heart
While a host of blemishes were keeping us apart.
This hypocrisy I would so like to understand
As if love was there at anyone’s command?
Was it not a matter of give and take,
To nurture, enjoy – not demand or break?
It is a gift that we accept, to love and share,
But I am having bad vibrations on this, I fear!
Will disappointment in life forever be my fate
With a very fine margin between love and hate?
Written July 1992.
(248 Words)
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