So, this is (my) Ritalin day. I have heard of a Kellogg’s day, PW Botha had his Rubicon day and Julius Malema? Your guess is as good as mine but I think, given his self-justification and abuse of the term intelligence, it will probably constitute something along the line of an illegal brain-deficient-carbon-induced-warped-footprint-polluting-this-earth day. What does this have to do with Ritalin? Hell knows, but if I am sued for addressing the psycho state of a political Woody Woodpecker, I can always blame my psychologist for causing a ritalinatial shift from a lively grave to an eternal abyss- in other words, I will walk free as if my name were Glen Agliotti- not guilty due to the “uncontrollable” externalization of the internalization. Much like MC Hammer singing, “You can’t touch this (me)”.
Now, I look at the above paragraph from a very responsible angle (as only a person always trying to do the right thing, will do). That is the proverbial sideline view (nearly always perfect in its observations) or if I may be so bold- seeing the bigger picture and hoping that my grasping thereof will ignore all the pain, level two colour-blindness, deflections of the mind, skewed patterns from birth to adulthood, etc. I am fifty years old and not (really?) bothered- this type of driven personality tends to reduce the biological age to a real age of probably thirty-five (in terms of energy level that is). Yet here I am, moving from a Schedule 1 self-contained, boxed entity to a Schedule 6 at age fifty. Why not 7- it is the perfect number. Why do I fall short once more and that at the beginning of my Ritalintintin trip? Yet, it seems if my creativity has not been subjected to a ritalinised, prosactic implosion that ends in emptiness and forced breathing. On the contrary, have you ever met anyone getting all prosaic about Ritalin? If not, then I rest my case and bag my medal- you can’t touch this.
And then the tapes start rolling and I think back on all the times of trouble, of anger, of joy, of hate, of impulse, of restlessness, of never-ending drivenness, of always-present tiredness, of storms within, of loving creation, of despising this world, of dualism, of boxes upon boxes, of other compensation, of beyond-reach moments, of thinking you are who you are. Only to be ritalinised to size! By the way, you will not find the derivatives of Ritalin used here, in a dictionary- these are made up as we go along (oh, the irrepressible creative mind!). Your distinctive challenge will be to build an understanding of the clinical prognosis in terms of the pros and cons of usage, based on these descriptors. In any case, I am not the discriminatory type (believe that if you want), but this piece is actually written for and dedicated to the inhabitants of Ritalinalia. I hope they will find solace in the fact that I have proven scientifically and beyond any shadow of a doubt that perception of the potential effect, is not going to realize that particular outcome. In other words, there is life during the use of a legally controlled substance. If I patiently persist with this argument long enough, that 6 may just migrate to level 7!
On a serious note though, one must contemplate past actions based on supposed calculated and ‘thought-through’ decisions. Do realize that nothing can turn back the clock. Maybe, to the Ritalintits of this world, the watch’s arms will then seem less warped, the prevailing winds less tiresome, peace for the inner man within arm’s length, the endless running of the mind finally getting to a head-nodding point of approved and acceptable momentum, the rut of past being shaping itself according to the real blue print of the self. Therefore, an increase in the frequency of those “aha” moments will probably manifest with mathematical precision and regularity- at least that is the hope beyond hope.
So in memory of those Ritalintits who have gone before, in salute to those currently journeying on route to the stars and other frontiers- virgin or otherwise: ‘The Last Post’ will remain just that, as long as you accommodate and embrace a little R-rated help from your friend. Viva schedule 6 comrades, viva!
(729 Words)
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