I am an ageing vegetarian and take a lot of vitamin supplements. I am also a poor sleeper (guilty conscience my mom used to say), so I also take a few natural substances to help me sleep. I also like routine.
Every night, about fifteen minutes before bedtime, I, give my cats some anti-hairball gel, fill Lady-cat’s glass (yes, she has her own glass) with water and then line up all the tablets. It includes Omega 3 and 6, spirulina and anti-oxidant pills, relaxation, sleeping and memory enhancement tablets, quicksilver, cyanide and many more of uncertain origin and function. This is time-consuming as I take enough ingredients to create a nuclear bomb if I was to add plutonium into the mix. Fortunately, I do not do plutonium anymore. I then put on my pajamas, chat to my wife for a while and then go to sleep.
Last week Thursday the routine was interrupted.
My youngest son had a small role in a school cabaret and we had to pick him up after the show at ten – past my bed time. I stayed at home, packing for the upcoming ski-trip to Lesotho. Having slept badly the night before, I decided to take the ‘medication’ before we went to pick up our son.
When we returned home, I took of my glasses and put on my pajamas when I saw the neat row of tablets. With my routine out of kilter, I had forgotten to drink the pills. I took of my wedding ring, scooped the pills into my hand, grabbed a glass and marched off to the bathroom to get some water. I swallowed the tablets in one go – quite a feat.
This time, one got stuck in my throat. I drank more water but the tablet stayed stuck. At the same time, I became aware of a metallic taste – must be the iron and magnesium, I thought. After another few gulps, the tablet eased down slightly. I put the glass down with my left hand, and then I saw my bare finger… yes, I had swallowed my wedding ring! I tried the finger in the throat method but only managed a couple of grunts and heaves, but no ring.
I broke the news to my wife, who happens to be a general practitioner with trepidation - after it was not just any ring. She advised me to look out for certain symptoms that would indicate a blockage which could turn out to be fatal.
Up to that stage I had naively been hoping that the ring would present itself when I went to the toilet – neatly wrapped, sealed and sterile – just waiting for me to lift it out of the mire, so to speak, with a piece of wire. My wife assured me that the chances for that were very slim indeed unless I wanted to go around, tea-strainer in hand, mining for what should ideally be left alone.
I considered claiming from my insurance but decided that it would be unfair to increase everyone’s premium because of my stupidity. More importantly, I could imagine the disbelief of the insurance clerk (you did what with your ring, sir?), while trying to suppress her laughter.
I also did not want my escapade to be added to the list of Ridiculous Insurance Claims-emails that so often land in my Inbox. Neither did I want to have it exposed on ‘What were they thinking’ on DSTV – hence I will have to raid my savings account to buy a new ring.
And, in case anyone was wondering, I did not miraculously recover the ring, nor did I find it in the drawer the next day. But, to look on the bright side of things –at least I won’t have to take iron supplements for a few weeks!
In South Africa today security plays a vital part in any business or private home. This book and the volumes to follow, will guide you step by step through the essential precautionary measures to be taken in protecting your family and valuables. From employing security guards, evacuation of your site and security measures to burglar bars and alarms in your private home.
a Book compiled by me from experience gained after 10 years in the security industry as Industrial relations officer with Nosa qualifications, 1st Aid, fire protection and also S.O.B. grade A.
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