Men have a universal complaint: they don’t understand women and what they want. They are absolutely correct, and even if the expression has become cliched, men are indeed from Mars and women from Venus.
The first mistake is to try and write an article on what women want. There are countless sites on the Internet and books on shelves that try to summarize women’s wants in handy manuals or in points that could be remembered on the next shopping trip when the troubled man tries to pick out a suitable gift, knowing that he will simply never get it right. I suppose the only use of these books is that they affirm something that men already know and that is that they don’t know anything about us.
Well, let me share with you a few things that I know about women and about what some of us like. (Even as woman I won’t take the risk of trying to generalise since I don’t even understand myself sometimes and will not even attempt at hypothesising or formulating sets of rules that govern our thinking and behaviour.) I guess it is safe to say that there are general trends in behaviour that one could refer to, but I’m making no attempt here to provide the definitive guide or a sort of “The Idiot’s Guide to Women” kind of advice blog. You could, however, perhaps gain a little bit of insight into a woman’s thinking…
I’ve just looked at one of those sites (set up by women) that give a list of ten things that women want. I was astonished. I’m sorry, but have to disagree vehemently. First of all, women don’t want just ten things. Women want everything and everything is related. It is very hard to distinguish what we want in separate points. This is the nature of the female brain - the corpus callosum is much thicker…more interaction between both hemispheres of our brain, and as a rule women seem to use different areas all over the brain for thinking and performing tasks, compared to a man’s more localised thinking patterns. (This is why, for example, women are often not as badly affected by a stroke since different parts of their brains can take over when damage occurs in another area). Women are very good at making many different connections all over in the brain…this is why we are more multi-tasked and multi-thinkers, but at the same time we can be distracted much easier…
I’m digressing. You know when you want to go to the kitchen to do something and along the way see a million things which you start doing and when you look at your watch one hour has passed and you’re busy doing something completely different…that’s what I’m talking about. Let me focus on what we want, but see, this is the problem…we want so many things, yet we can also find that invisible link and relatedness that a man simply doesn’t see or comprehend! I suppose that’s where the expression “Men are one-track minded” comes from. And that “track” very often leads to thoughts about sex. Or sport. Or work. Clean cut…clear…no fuzziness or frills.
So, I’ve established or reaffirmed something that men already know about women: they think completely differently. They make connections and come to conclusions about things since they are forever linking seemingly unrelated things. “Because he did this yesterday, he must have been thinking about that, which was why he did that, and that is why he is doing it today.” And all the man did was to have a momentary frown on his face because he couldn’t remember the final cricket score of the match between England and Australia in the Ashes tournament ten years ago. I guess, if I want to be bold and brave, I can say that was lesson 1. Women are forever making connections and seeing things that might not necessarily exist. At the same time I guess it’s also a warning since we do notice things…small things…and are able to do very good arithmetic (2 + 2 = 7?)
There are many other things that would make us deliriously happy. For me one thing that’s always made me feel really down are the wrong gifts I’ve been given. I’ve never received a birthday or Christmas gift that really showed me that the man in my life really knew me. Knew what I really liked…enjoyed…needed…I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but these have always been moments of great disappointment in my life. Why is it that women can pick out the perfect gift for a man and other women, but we are never given something that makes us feel “He really knows me…”? Why did I always have to pick out my own gift? Why didn’t they understand that monetary value has NOTHING to do with it. That it’s not about diamonds or labels, but about feeling appreciated and understood as a person. Why give me a pearl ring when I’ve never worn one and never would because it simply ISN’T ME! I know it sounds ungrateful, but so many women out there will appreciate something that shows her man really cares about her wants and needs. I can think back to some things I’ve been given:
* A book titled “How to be a slightly better parent”.
* Frightfully expensive Arabic perfume which I would never ever wear in my life, especially since I get desperately ill and start sneezing the moment I get just a whiff of it. Where has he been?
* The same perfume year after year…with bottles unopened in cellophane wrapping openly displayed on my dressing table.
I don’t know. I suppose I can just carry on sounding ungrateful, but I would have appreciated a notebook in which he had written reasons why he likes me. Or a flower for each year he’s known me. Or a CD with songs that he recorded for me with my favourite music. Or a box of oil paints and canvasses. Or a poem that he’s written for me and had it turned into a fridge magnet. Or a bunch of wild flowers that he’s picked for me. A piece of costume jewelry in colours that I like. A house filled with candles when I returned from work with a bottle of red wine and good music greeting me at the door. A massage with aromatic oils. A bubblebath with a glass of champagne and rose petals on the bed. Nothing that has to cost a lot of money. The only thing it would cost is a little bit of observation…to notice me as a person…to see what colours I liked, which kinds of smells I liked, how I like to express myself…Is it really that hard to know what your woman likes? Have you ever smelled her perfume and asked what she wore? The trick gentlemen is NOT TO BUY THE SAME ONE but to go to the saleslady at the perfume store, to mention the name and ask for something different, but in a similar range of smells. A new perfume on the market. Something she hasn’t worn before, but will enjoy. NOT something YOU will enjoy. Don’t buy her sexy pajamas because you like it. Don’t buy her a book that you actually want to read. Don’t buy her something your mother enjoys (or, at the very least don’t tell her that!)
What do we want from love? Well, I don’t want to speak for everyone, but I can tell you what I want. I want to feel that my man is absolutely crazy about me and he must SHOW it, not only secretly feel it and I have to guess it or that I should know it because I know how he feels…I want to be told. I want the romance. I need to see the words of love. I want the emails and the SMS’s and the small notes under my pillow. I want the flowers and the poems. I want the bubblebaths and the wild flowers. I want the massages and the compliments. I want the stimulating conversations. Sometimes I want to be on my own and to have space to fly…but I need to know that he’s always there…waiting…keeping a watchful eye over me. I want extacy…and wild passion. I want him to make love to me…to make me leave the bounds of earth and to be transported to the skies. I want to feel safe and cared for and protected and looked after. I want him to respect my opinion and to listen to me. I want to be able to follow his lead and guidance, and for him to follow my lead too. I want him to respond to my love, and respect my mind. I want a friend and a companion and a lover and someone who will catch me when I fall, because I fall often. I want him to know that I will catch him too…
Well, I guess I’m an idealist…a dreamer…the ultimate oxymoron. But I’m a woman and that is who we are. We cannot be defined, or completely understood, but if you just try a little bit harder, we can make you so happy that you will dance with us up there in the starry night, because a woman understood will set your mind and body alight…
In South Africa today security plays a vital part in any business or private home. This book and the volumes to follow, will guide you step by step through the essential precautionary measures to be taken in protecting your family and valuables. From employing security guards, evacuation of your site and security measures to burglar bars and alarms in your private home.
a Book compiled by me from experience gained after 10 years in the security industry as Industrial relations officer with Nosa qualifications, 1st Aid, fire protection and also S.O.B. grade A.
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